Life is like ups and downs roller-coaster, and when we are facing ups, then its good things for us, but the downtime gives us stress. The majority of people are dealing with stress in life because of so many responsibilities and some stressful issues. Life has an uncountable dimension to offer you, and it is up to us to choose the size. Life also has some funny side that works as a stress buster. Some Funny Quotes about life help you to see this side.
Enjoying your life does not mean to go for enjoyment only. You need to enjoy and live fully by exploring every side of life. Some Funny Quotes about life show that you don’t need to be serious all the time and what is the importance of each side of life. Senses of humor in life improve your mental health and stay you away from unnecessary stress.
You need to understand that a pressurize situation leads you toward the wrong decision you need to balance your life between both sides severe and funny. Human beings tend to find faults, and that generates overthinking, and stress is the by-product of all. Funny quotes and sayings of the wise people help you to learn that take it lightly all your problems and don’t be panic.
Being productive and enjoy yourself. Funny life quotes will take you away from negativity.
FUNNY QUOTES FROM THE WORLD’S FUNNIEST PEOPLE 🙂
I intend to live forever. So far, so good. Steven Wrigh
Tomorrow is often the busiest day of the week. Spanish proverb
When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them. Rodney Dangerfield
Rice is great when you’re hungry and you want 2000 of something. Mitch Hedberg
Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth. Unknown
I remixed a remix, it was back to normal. Mitch Hedberg
The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30 percent of their ice cream. Bill Murray
I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done. Steven Wright
A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths. Steven Wright
I have always wanted to be somebody, but I see now I should have been more specific. Lily Tomlin
Don’t be so humble – you are not that great. Golda Meir
This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last. Oscar Wilde
Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off. Bill Murray
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company. Mark Twain
I wrote a few children’s books… not on purpose. Steven Wright
THE BEST AND FUNNIEST QUOTES
If a book about failures doesn’t sell, is it a success? Jerry Seinfeld
I like Kit-Kat, unless I’m with four or more people. Mitch Hedberg
I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering. Steven Wright
I live on a one-way street that’s also a dead end. I’m not sure how I got there. Steven Wright
Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile. Billy Sunday
Never trust people who smile constantly. They’re either selling something or not very bright. Laurell K. Hamilton
I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it. Mark Twain
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on. Winston S. Churchill
When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye. Cathy Guisewite
Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer. Ellen DeGeneres
It’s okay if you don’t like me. Not everyone has good taste.
Everything is changing. People are taking the comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke. Will Rogers
I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn’t a professional, the knife had butter on it. Rodney Dangerfield
That’s why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it. George Carlin
If you’re too open-minded; your brains will fall out. Lawrence Ferlinghetti
A pessimist is a man who thinks everybody is as nasty as himself, and hates them for it. George Bernard Shaw
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. Fred Allen
If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments. Steven Wright
The four most beautiful words in our common language: I told you so. Gore Vidal
My esteem in this country has gone up substantially. It is very nice now that when people wave at me, they use all their fingers. Jimmy Carter (US president 1977 to 1981)
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits. Albert Einstein
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not. Mark Twain
SHORT FUNNY QUOTES AND HUMOROUS LINES
One-liners, short funny quotes, sayings, thoughts and captions for your bio, social status, self-talk, motto, mantra, signs, posters, wallpapers, backgrounds.
The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it. Joan Rivers
When nothing is going right, go left.
Reality continues to ruin my life. Bill Watterson
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. Phyllis Diller
Never miss a good chance to shut up. Will Rogers
Sane is boring. R.A. Salvatore
I’m addicted to placebos. Steven Wright
I’d like to live like a poor man – only with lots of money. Pablo Picasso
Puns are the highest form of literature. Alfred Hitchcock
Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive. Elbert Hubbard
All generalizations are false, including this one. Mark Twain
What’s another word for Thesaurus? Steven Wright
If I had nine of my fingers missing I wouldn’t type any slower. Mitch Hedberg
Don’t judge me. I was born to be awesome, not perfect.
What do people do with all the extra time they save by writing ‘k’ instead of ‘ok’?
FUNNY QUOTES THAT ARE SELF-DEPRECATING
My life feels like a test I didn’t study for.
I don’t go crazy. I am crazy. I just go normal from time to time.
My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do. Unknown
I’m actually not funny. I’m just really mean and people think I’m joking.
Everything happens for a reason. But sometimes the reason is that you’re stupid and you make bad decisions.
I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it’s like a circus in my head. Steven Wright
I went to a meeting for premature ejaculators. I left early. Jack Benny
I was just viciously body shamed by my mirror. Danny Zuker
Finally my winter fat is done. Now I have spring rolls.
Sometimes I want to go back in time and punch myself in the face.
My brain has too many tabs open.
I don’t even believe myself when I say I’ll be ready in 5 minutes.
My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.
FUNNY LINES FROM PINTEREST, REDDIT, TUMBLR, FACEBOOK, TWITTER
I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness so I don’t intimidate you.
Is ‘ugh’ an emotion? Because I fell it all the time.
If you are lonely, dim all lights and put on a horror movie. After a while it won’t feel like you are alone anymore.
I don’t weigh myself because most scales don’t know how heavy all the grudges im holding onto are.
“Fries or salad?” sums up every adult decision you have to make.
In this horrible time, let us at least be bolstered by small miracles like finding out your ex moved to a different city. Aparna Nancherla
You’re welcome to come here, except my beds from Ikea so it’s more unstable than i am.
If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge.
You’ll never be as lazy as whoever named the fireplace.
I am not lazy. I am on energy saving mode.
I just want my stomach to be as flat as my ass. #FitnessGoals
What was your key motivation for this piece? The due date.
Also Read:- funny love quotes
TWISTED HUMOR, QUIRKY LINES AND SARCASTIC SAYINGS
Men cannot live by bread alone; he must have peanut butter. James A. Garfield
Food is like sex: When you abstain, even the worst stuff begins to look good. Beth McCollister
I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio. Rodney Dangerfield
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous – everyone hasn’t met me yet. Rodney Dangerfield
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. Rodney Dangerfield
I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people. Rodney Dangerfield
If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee. Abraham Lincoln
You’re only as good as your last haircut. Fran Lebowitz
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. Mitch Hedberg
I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle. Mitch Hedberg
What a nice night for an evening. Steven Wright
I walk around like everything is fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks? Steven Wright
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol. Steven Wright
Am I perfect? No. But am I striving to be a better person every day? Also no.
Maybe you should eat some makeup so you can be pretty on the inside too.
FUNNY QUOTES ABOUT FRIENDS
Love is blind; friendship tries not to notice. Otto von Bismarck
It’s only because of their stupidity that they’re able to be so sure of themselves. Franz Kafka
Do you ever think if people heard our conversations they’d lock us up? All the time. Wendy Mass
A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have.
As your best friend I’ll always pick you up when you fall, after I finish laughing.
Some people are like clouds. When they disappear, it’s a beautiful day.
Please cancel my subscriptions to your issues.
If you ran like your mouth, you’d be in good shape.
I’m not arguing. I’m simply explaining why I’m right.
Friends are people who know you really well and like you anyway. Greg Tamblyn
If you’re going to do something tonight that you’ll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late. Henny Youngman
There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate. Linda Grayson
Only your real friends will tell you when your face is dirty. Sicilian Proverb
It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them. Ralph Waldo Emerson
If you’re hotter than me, then that means I’m cooler than you.
FUNNY QUOTES ABOUT SCHOOL, EDUCATION (OR IN A YEARBOOK)
I spent 113 880 hours of my life for a paper and a handshake.
All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height. Casey Stengel
A child educated only at school is an uneducated child. George Santayana
The happier we get, the less we see. Asian Kid
You can drag my body to school but my spirit refuses to go. Bill Watterson
Education is what remains after one has forgotten what one has learned in school. Albert Einstein
In school, you’re taught a lesson and then given a test. In life, you’re given a test that teaches you a lesson. Tom Bodett
Finish last in your league and they call you idiot. Finish last in medical school and they call you doctor. Abe Lemons
Education can get you the only thing that really matters in today’s world – an assigned parking space. Gene Perret
It is impossible for a man to learn what he thinks he already knows. Epictetus
No wonder the teacher knows so much; she has the book. Edgar Watson Howe
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance. Will Durant
People learn something every day, and a lot of times it’s that what they learned the day before was wrong. Bill Vaughan
Work hard, nap hard. Demi Lovato
The human brain is special. It starts working as soon as you get up and it doesn’t stop until you get to school. Milton Berle
When a teacher calls a boy by his entire name, it means trouble. Mark Twain
School is learning things you don’t want to know, surrounded by people you wish you didn’t know, while working toward a future you don’t know will ever come. Dave Kellett
The most important thing we learn at school is the fact that the most important things can’t be learned at school. Haruki Murakami
I go to school, but I never learn what I want to know. Bill Watterson
FUNNY QUOTES ABOUT WORK AND COWORKERS
My career plans were much more exciting when I was 5.
Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. Mark Twain
A boss on vacation is the most cost effective measure. Everybody in the office has a vacation at the cost of one. Thibaut
There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full. Henry Kissinger
Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. George Carlin
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. Mark Twain
Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired. Jules Renard
The most ineffective workers are systematically moved to the place where they can do the least damage: management. Scott Adams (Dilbert)
The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. Oscar Wilde
Every time you feel yourself being pulled into other people’s drama, repeat these word: Not my circus, not my monkeys. Polish Proverb
If I had asked people what they wanted, they would have said faster horses. Henry Ford
The closest a person ever comes to perfection is when he fills out a job application form. Stanley Randall
Sorry for being late. I got caught up enjoying my last few minutes of not being here.
I know that the work cycle is not plan/start/finish, but is wait/plan/plan.
I’m sorry. I don’t take orders. I barely take suggestions.
FUNNY QUOTES ABOUT FAMILY AND PARENTING
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. George Burns
If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance. George Bernard Shaw
Don’t yell at your kids! Lean in real close and whisper, it’s much scarier.
Sometimes I’m so tired, I look down at what I’m wearing, and if it’s comfortable enough to sleep in, I don’t even make it into my pajamas. I’m looking down, and I’m like T-shirt and stretchy pants? Yup, that’s pajama-y. Good night. Rebecca Romijn
The quickest way for a parent to get a child’s attention is to sit down and look comfortable. Lane Olinghouse
Everyone should have kids. They are the greatest joy in the world. But they are also terrorists. You’ll realize this as soon as they are born and start using sleep deprivation to torture you. Ray Romano
I don’t know what’s more exhausting about parenting: the getting up early, or the acting like you know what you’re doing. Jim Gaffigan
It just occurred to me that the majority of my diet is made up of the foods that my kid didn’t finish. Carrie Underwood
When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you. Nora Ephron
Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family. Chelsea Handler
My nickname is ‘Mom’, but my full name is ‘Mom Mom Mom Mom Mom Mom’.
Toddler: Emotionally unstable pint-sized dictator with the uncanny ability to know exactly how far to push you towards utter insanity before reverting to a loveable creature.
I never know what to say when people ask me what my hobbies are. I mean, I’m a mom.
FUNNY QUOTES ABOUT WOMEN
The most terrifying thing any woman can say to me is “Notice anything different? Mike Vanatta
Crying is for plain women. Pretty women go shopping. Oscar Wilde
A woman’s mind is cleaner that a man’s; She changes it more often. Oliver Herford
I don’t have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who’d be mad at me for saying that. Mitch Hedberg
Scientists now believe that the primary biological function of breasts is to make men stupid. Dave Barry
Feminine intuition is a fiction and a fraud. It is nonsensical, illogical, emotional, ridiculous, and practically foolproof. Harry Haenigsen
The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired. Milton Berle
When my wife says she’ll be ready in 5 minutes, I know I have just enough time to fly to space and write a poem on the moon before we go. Mike Vanatta
God made Adam first because he didn’t want any advice from Eve how to make Adam.
There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible. P. J. O’Rourke
Women give us solace, but if it were not for women we would never need solace. Don Herold
America is a land where men govern, but women rule. John Mason Brown
FUNNY QUOTES ABOUT MEN
Why do men like intelligent women? Because opposites attract. Kathy Lette
When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, there’s a reason. Molly McGee
Men are like a deck of cards. You’ll find the occasional king, but most are jacks. Laura Swenson
Coffee, chocolate, men. The richer the better!
A man in love is like a clipped coupon – it’s time to cash in. Mae West
A man is already halfway in love with any woman who listens to him. Brendan Francis
The true man wants two things: danger and play. For that reason he wants woman, as the most dangerous plaything. Friedrich Nietzsche